Stupid
by DaggerOfPern
Summary: PG-13 for a few profanities, nothing serious. Includes slash, mm, yaoi, shounen-ai, whatever you want to call it. Lindsey and Angel are having trouble expressing their feelings, but no one can keep their feelings bottled up for long...


Disclaimer: I've never owned, nor will own, the characters Angel and Lindsey, played by David Boreanaz and Christian Kane. Joss, if ever you EVER read this (which you won't, luckily) I have to say that I'd do about anything to be in your shoes. Lucky. -_-  
  
*Angel's POV*  
I know I've always brooded a lot. Cordelia makes fun of me for it, but I have reasons. For one, I'm a vampire with a soul and have to live in eternal celibacy if I don't want to go evil and begin to attack my friends. I also feel a whole lot of rejection, if you think about how much you can be rejected in two-hundred-fifty years. If I've been brooding overmuch lately I have a reason for that, too. Lindsey.  
When I first met him, in the office of Russell Winters, I didn't feel anything then. He was just a small roadblock as I drove the path to destroying Winters. Small, then. Now I have trouble keeping my mind off him.  
It's sort of strange, having a broken heart when your heart's stopped working a long, long time ago. Strange to actually feel pain in my chest when I think of Lindsey, when I think of the look of pure hatred on his face as he wounded me with that sledgehammer. The worst of the pain hadn't been physical. I knew he would always hate me after that, after I slept with Darla. I was desperate when I did it, hoping to drown out my pain in some way, any way.  
He's hated me for ruining so many of his cases, for insulting and mocking him when he came to me for help. I still feel it was my fault that he turned away and went back to Wolfram & Hart, that I'd driven him away. Lindsey hated me for sleeping with Darla. I'm guessing he hated me for choking him twice. That hurt the worst, next to the running-me-over-with-a- truck-and-hammering-me-until-I-would've-died-if-I-were-human thing and the cutting off his hand thing. Loving your enemy is the hardest thing you can ever do, especially if your quarrel is physical, too.  
I really don't know why I'm here now, outside his apartment. I can't help but wonder if he's even inside. I sit down, resting my head against the wall across from his apartment. I fold my legs and close my eyes.  
  
***  
  
My eyes snap open as I feel him coming nearer. How could I have let myself fall asleep like that? I barely ever rest as it is, and never without intending to sleep. I can hear him coming down the wall. I can hear the doors of the elevator close behind him. I can hear him as he turns the corner, and I suddenly wish I wasn't here. It was stupid to come. Incredibly stupid.  
  
*Lindsey's POV*  
Holy shit. He's sitting in the hall! I'm surprised he didn't jump me and choke me with a cord. He isn't looking at me. Thank god. I don't know what I'd do if he glared at me.  
"Angel?" I ask cautiously, a little afraid. No answer.  
"Angel," I repeat more firmly. Still nothing.  
Is he dead? No, that was stupid of me to think. If he was dead, he'd be a pile of ashes. Asleep? I doubt it. His eyes are open. Darla's eyes were never open when she slept, so it couldn't have been a vampire thing. Darla. Crap.  
I only sought out Darla to make Angel jealous. To make Angel feel something about me. Stupid of me. I thought I'd rather have Angel hate me than to never be in his thoughts. When I ran him over, beat him with a sledgehammer, that was jealousy, too. But it was my own jealousy, caused by Darla. I couldn't believe that he would give her what I could never have. I seem to be doing a lot of stupid things since I met him, but that was the worst. I saw the pain in his eyes. It was. It made me want to cry. I haven't cried for. for a long, long time.  
I'd wanted out, when those blind children were going to be assassinated. Angel had given me the chance. I'd rejected it when offered a promotion.  
I crouched down in front of him, moved my face closer to his. He was staring right through me; he didn't even notice me. I cupped his chin in my left hand. One part of me couldn't believe what I was doing but. it didn't protest.  
He snapped out of his reverie, eyes widening. They were beautiful eyes. I pulled out of the kiss abruptly.  
"I-I'm sorry, Angel! I didn't. I-" I was cut off as his hands clenched in my hair, pulling me closer into another kiss. I finally pulled away, gasping for breath. He was smiling.  
"Sorry, I forgot you had to breathe," he said.  
"I want a job at Angel Investigations."  
"What? But. Wolfram and Hart."  
"Won't know I'm gone for a while. They won't miss me for a few days. Anyways, you could always protect me."  
Angel laughed. "You know, I'm pretty sure that I love you."  
"Good, because I love you, too," I said, claiming his lips in a kiss again.  
  
A/N: Sucky ending, yeah. I'm bad with happy endings. Oh, well. 


End file.
